I could see Brown clouds before, but now, no more

One thing I could still remember was seeing brown clouds like a wild smoke before when I was still young. I would just apply a little pressure into my eyes then there, right infront of me, a magnificent brown cloud expanding and growing.

I of course enjoyed watching those clouds like a baby seeing for the first time a funny and ridiculous thing. It's a sight that I enjoyed and would stir my awareness and emotions.

It's a thing as for me, only I did have. And after watching such, I would just fall asleep without notice.

But now, no matter how hard I try to bring back such closed-eyed sight, I stil couldn't. I even tried putting weight to of my arm but still of no progress. A big difference when I was young that even in waking hours, my eyes could still produce brown clouds.

It was now a thing of the past and what substituted it was seeing tiny flying lights or liquid crystals.

I wish such sight would come again so that I could have a connection with my past at least. So that I could reminisce my childhood dreams and subconscious desire- a desire for acknowledgement and goodwill, a thing every person needed in their childhood- mutual and intimate love and care.

How I would like to become like a child again because I'm tired in this tiresome world of grown-ups. But what's true and necessary was for me now to face what lies ahead.

I should be like a child, adventurous and brave to face new challanges, and willling to learn and grow, and is eager to reach my dreams beyond the rainbow.